Let's be queer on this; :: Recent Entries

Title:	might as well let it be known that;
Date:	2009-12-02 @ 22:00
Security:	public
Location:	room on the 13th floor
Music:	Lollipop - Lil Wayne
Mood:	okay

It's with this post I let go of you, yan. Completely.

Thank you. Thank you for all the crap last night. I needed to see all that.

You no longer have any control on how I feel when I wake up every morning.

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Title:	Untitled
Date:	2009-11-30 @ 04:01
Security:	public
Location:	living room
Music:	Smile For The Camera - Armor For Sleep
Mood:	refreshed

You all know how kissing is very, very important to me. No one, & I really mean, NO ONE I ever kissed, kisses me the way yan used to (which is my favourite way). Well, of course, until I met ww b... HAHA

(Though of course I'm not saying the rest are bad kissers, just that they don't kiss me the way I personally like to be kissed)

Hmm. Roanny called me some time past 11pm just now & we made an on-the-spot decision to meet at Katong. & 15 minutes after that phone call, we were hugging each other hello already. & about 10 seconds after that, we made a very spontaneous decision to walk down to East Coast & chill with a couple of Jim Beam coolers. It was really just sooooo, very nice to be talking to him about everything. The best part was; whatever that came out of his mouth during/after that, simply just made a lot of sense. It's amazing. In those 2 short hours with him, I shared; laughed; listened; laughed; shared; laughed; enlightened; laughed; was given a great confidence boost; laughed; & the list goes on. I love talking to Roanny. He never fails to make me laugh, realise the right things or feel good about myself. Macho, too. Sighhh, 2 of my favourite boys.

Anyway, MOKE! I ♥ the 4 of you to death. It was really great to have dinner & drinks with you darls last night :)

Quote of the night:

"Maybe she isn't THE one. But maybe she's the one who helps you get over yan."

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Title:	I FEEL LIKE DATING SOMEONE NAO.
Date:	2009-11-22 @ 03:24
Security:	public
Location:	living room
Music:	Empire State of Mind - Jay Z & Alicia Keys
Mood:	thirstyforbooze

"I want to date someone who'd let me be all tomboyish one day & wear a skirt on another, who'd let me airdrum to my rock music without thinking I'm weird, who'd let me steal the vegetables off her plate, who'd watch sappy romance movies with me without making a nasty comment, who'd follow me to local gigs & not yawn, who'd let me drink with my buddies in the middle of the night, who enjoys kissing as much as I do, who'd actually do the whole "I really, really like you" thing with me first before rushing the word l-o-v-e, who'd hold my hand in front of her friends, who'd tell me stories from her childhood days, who'd listen to MY stories no matter how long-winded I am, who'd let me touch stray cats despite of my allergy & gets me to wash my hands with good soap right after, who'd sit patiently & wait for me to finish eating cos I'm a verryyy slow eater, who wouldn't think I'm shallow for enjoying the nightlife, who'd be okay with talking about sex openly, who'd appreciate it when I sing to her, who'd let me take silly photos of her & upload them on Facebook, & who'd actually let me treat her to a good dinner or two or three without making me feel bad for paying!"

copied & posted from my note in Facebook. ha

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Title:	plans.
Date:	2009-11-21 @ 15:31
Security:	public
Location:	living room
Music:	Hold the Door - Armor For Sleep
Mood:	optimistic

1. Get into Ngee Ann Poly's new Diploma in Arts Business Management. If successful, proceed to #2. If unsuccessful, proceed to #3.
2. Let Daddykins know about getting a place in school, then he will send moolah over for my driving license (he made the offer! :D)
3. Fucking get into a school, period. After which, proceed to #2.
4. Fucking sign up for driving school first, AFTER MONTHS OF PROCRASTINATING. At least get Basic Theory over & done with.
5. Get over ex-girlfriend. Friggin get to a point where I wouldn't cringe or feel my heart ache each time I see her getting close to another girl. After which, please proceed to number #15.
6. Buy nicer, better-fitting clothes; that don't cost as much as my mother's entire undergarment drawer (she likes to find comfy but cheap ones).
7. Rethink bra-shopping (cos the ones I pick always cost as much as 3 of my mom's, plus I hardly even wear one anyway these days; you all know me).
8. Work on the acoustic version of Use Somebody with Macho. Already halfway through. iLike.
9. Enjoy Abu Dhabi in December (hopefully if me, mom & 2 brothers can all find the same weekend to visit Dad).
10. EH SHIT MUST DO THIS FIRST: Friggin call MOE ASAP to ask if they can reprint my O Level cert or results slip or whatever cos my careless, irresponsible self LOST THEM BOTH. Only then can I proceed to #1/#2/#3.
11. Learn to better hold my alcohol which means drink more hee hee hee BUT STILL STAY IN CONTROL.
12. Cut down on underground lovers. It's not healthy. But they're so hee hee hee hee hee hee
13. OH FUCK I have to buy my brother's replacement camera!!! OKOKOKOK this one first before #6!
14. Never to fall for an underground lover. Dangerous grounds. I have to constantly remind myself.
15. Find a girl, the girliest possible, who'd still love me when I'm wearing a skirt & not being all masculine.

Okay I can't think of anything else right now. Hopefully more will be added into the list! Well, the good ones to say the least, heh

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Title:	letz go!
Date:	2009-11-21 @ 03:00
Security:	public
Location:	living room
Music:	Bad Romance - Lady GaGa
Mood:	pleased

I had a brilllll day today! Well, yesterday. FRIDAY the 20TH. There.

Kicked off an awesome afternoon after meeting Shidyke & Zamoolicious @ TP, for our 1st daytime booze & juice session by the reservoir. & by juice, I don't mean orange, or anything of the citrusy like ;)

Hee hee hee hee cheers to many more sessions of drinking early in the afternoon (omg fucking loved being able to see my surroundings so bright & sunkissed when I'm high!), JUICE-exchanges & to underground lovers in all 3 of our lives ;)

Omg k seriously a million cheers to underground lovers HAHA :D

Then I went to meet my JJ babies, all high & funny-talky. Hee hee. But it was fun. Got free coffee to sober up yay then chit chat chit chat. Macho was there too so there was definitely somemore JUICE-exchanges hee hee.

Finally but not the least, I met my girls, Ezzie & Adeela :) Dinner & Starbucks lepak session. EVEN MORE JUICE-EXCHANGES OMG I WAS TALKING FOR SO LONG LAH I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THE TWO OF YOU MANAGED TO FOCUS THE ENTIRE TIME! & I felt so bad for having such long stories haha. But then again, we all did have our own stories, just that we shared them at our own times. During dinner/walking down to Somerset/Starbucks Orchard Point. So okay I don't feel so guilty anymore heh

Okay I better end this fucking post before I end up like another one of those bloggers who always talk about their day from A to Z. Let's steer clear of that!

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Title:	KL getaway for Man Utd
Date:	2009-11-14 @ 04:14
Security:	public
Location:	room on the 13th floor
Music:	Life is Beautiful - Vega 4
Mood:	nostaaalgic

I fucking miss those 2 days.

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Title:	Kak Linda.
Date:	2009-11-14 @ 03:46
Security:	public
Location:	room on the 13th floor
Music:	Life is Beautiful - Vega 4
Mood:	full after awesome Lebanese

Welcome home, Kak Linda!! It's been 5 long years since you made your escape to OZ! But only less than 8 days left till your flight back. Please don't let it be another 5 years till we see you back home again :\ You are our eldest cousin & our very old grandfather's first grandchild. You saw how he cried with joy when he saw you a few days ago. & he might not be around in 5 years...

But nevertheless, it was soooo very nice to see you tonight. & omg thank you so, very much for blowing more than 300 bucks on an awesome Lebanese dinner for us! That was deeeeeeeeeeeeeply appreciated by all! But most importantly, it simply felt really great for me to be have been able to see & listen to you laugh so happily. :)

One more night with you tomorrow, & hopefully another night sometime next week before you head over to KL to see our relatives over there. I feel like there is so much I want to tell you properly & not over Facebook or email, but yknow, it's not that easy with my brothers & our other cousins around. Your amazing brother, Azrul, is alright. He knows who & what I am, yet he still loves me so. But I can never be sure about how accepting the rest can be. I've never been closer to my brothers, but there are just some things that I simply cannot tell them about my life. Just... can't. Oh well, at least Aisyah & Reza are in on my "secrets", too. But they aren't in Singapore! :\

Anyway, no time for goodbyes yet. I'm just going to focus on spending time with you :)

I ♥ you, Kak Linda

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Title:	Affection; that's the key term here.
Date:	2009-11-10 @ 16:45
Security:	public
Location:	room on the 13th floor
Mood:	okay

The dynamics of my friendship with Kecik doesn't exactly fit the social norm. We're so very, very affectionate with each other & are usually always hand-in-hand, holding each other as lovers do & giving each other pecks on the forehead/cheek/lips out of sheer affection. Plus, we have this bond with each other. It's so easy to make each other laugh, to entertain each other, to keep talking about anything & to feel overwhelmed by our friend-love/affection for each other, thus making us instantly reward one another with a kiss. Simply put; if you don't know us, you'd think that we're a couple.

Yes, I am a lesbian. & Kecik is a bisexual. An average human being would be ever-so-quick to put the two together & assume that somewhere in our minds, we're interested in getting together. But, ha, I swear... It's all out in the open & it's been talked out between the two of us; that we both agree we're just really, really close friends who simply love to shower each other with affection.

This is a very special friendship & it means a hell lot to me. I'm not going to let anyone take this away from us.

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Title:	Untitled
Date:	2009-11-01 @ 22:00
Security:	public
Location:	red room
Music:	Scriptboard Note - Jon Chan
Mood:	cold

So my dad's off to Abu Dhabi already. 5 years is a seriously long time. I mean, sure, he'll be back every month whenever possible. But... I don't know. It's kinda weird without him just being around every day. Even back when he worked in KL or non-permanently in Abu Dhabi, he was only gone for 5 days or less at a time. Hmm. Won't be seeing him until late December; we're probably gonna go up to him since he'll be too busy settling down over there to come home so soon. Middle East for holiday again ha. 4th year in a row, if I'm not mistaken. Istanbul in '06, Dubai in '07, Istanbul again in '08 & now Abu Dhabi for '09.

Hmm.

& absolutely unrelated to the above paragraph; I'm at an all-time low of my life again. I just feel so... low. There isn't a better word for it for now. I feel like just crying it all out in hopes of feeling a lil better, but somehow I can't. I think I'm simply doomed to feel this way throughout.

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Title:	yech.
Date:	2009-10-28 @ 01:22
Security:	public
Location:	red room
Music:	Change (ft. Wale) - Daniel Merriweather
Mood:	weird

So I deleted all my posts again. Everything just felt too messy & disgusting for me to look at. I dunno, maybe it's just that I don't like to watch my life the way it is.

But what's new? I'm still in love with the same girl who annoys the fuck out of me yet, controls how I feel every day. I'm still school-less. I'm still a part-time, underpaid barista, overworking her ass in Starbucks. I'm still a smoker. I'm still a borderline alcoholic. I'm still a fat fuck.

How can I just not feel disgusted by reading about my own sadass life?

But -- like Daniel Merriweather sings:

Till we learn to get together
And see who we really are
Ain't nothin gonna change
Ain't nothin gonna change
If nobody's gonna wake up
And start asking who's in charge

I've got to start doing something about my life. Seriously.

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